I was in Brazil, on a beach. My younger son, Craig, was getting married, and I was given a special moment.
The night before my son’s wedding, my sadness surprised me. My marriage had ended more than ten years before. Its demise had been a relief, but here, in another part of the world, I felt a profound loss at not being able to share this celebration.
Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t wishing my ex were here. I was missing the idea of us as a couple. I was mourning the fantasy I’d always had of this moment when we would turn to each other and know that we had done well. Together we would feel satisfied that now our son would go on to spread the love we had given him into his own successful marriage.
I’d cried silently.
By the morning, I was over it. The sentiments, though real, didn’t belong to this joyous day. As we primped and prepared, other private memories rested deep in my heart. Late to motherhood, I had relished every moment, every stage, but from babyhood I had known that my time with my sons was leant. Today, was proof of that. I cherished even that reality. I always told my sons, that my job was to raise them to be good people. If they liked me when it was all over, that was a bonus.
This was a letting-go day. On the beach in Bahia, as Vivian walked toward him, and they beamed at each other, I thought, he’s hers now, and they belong to each other. I felt a deep sense of satisfaction.
Words spoken at weddings are full of hope but also of transition. Maybe that’s why I cry – sob is more like it. As noisy waves crashed on the vast expanse of beach, I felt relieved that the ceremony was in Portuguese. I couldn’t understand a word. As the ceremony drew to an end and the sun began to disappear, to release the day, I was alone with my thoughts. Look at him. Look at how happy they are. You helped him to get there. You did well.
The transition complete, the final words spoken, the newlyweds kissed.
The night before my son’s wedding, my sadness surprised me. My marriage had ended more than ten years before. Its demise had been a relief, but here, in another part of the world, I felt a profound loss at not being able to share this celebration.
Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t wishing my ex were here. I was missing the idea of us as a couple. I was mourning the fantasy I’d always had of this moment when we would turn to each other and know that we had done well. Together we would feel satisfied that now our son would go on to spread the love we had given him into his own successful marriage.
I’d cried silently.
By the morning, I was over it. The sentiments, though real, didn’t belong to this joyous day. As we primped and prepared, other private memories rested deep in my heart. Late to motherhood, I had relished every moment, every stage, but from babyhood I had known that my time with my sons was leant. Today, was proof of that. I cherished even that reality. I always told my sons, that my job was to raise them to be good people. If they liked me when it was all over, that was a bonus.
This was a letting-go day. On the beach in Bahia, as Vivian walked toward him, and they beamed at each other, I thought, he’s hers now, and they belong to each other. I felt a deep sense of satisfaction.
Words spoken at weddings are full of hope but also of transition. Maybe that’s why I cry – sob is more like it. As noisy waves crashed on the vast expanse of beach, I felt relieved that the ceremony was in Portuguese. I couldn’t understand a word. As the ceremony drew to an end and the sun began to disappear, to release the day, I was alone with my thoughts. Look at him. Look at how happy they are. You helped him to get there. You did well.
The transition complete, the final words spoken, the newlyweds kissed.
I’d been to many weddings. I knew what came next. They would turn and greet the crowd as Mr. and Mrs. But that’s not what happened. At least not right away.
First, Craig turned and looked at only me and smiled, the hugest smile I'd ever seen on his face, an expression that said, See, Mom. See how happy I am..
That surprising, intimate, fleeting and unexpected moment took its indelible place as one of my life’s peak moments.
Mary-Jo Murphy
First, Craig turned and looked at only me and smiled, the hugest smile I'd ever seen on his face, an expression that said, See, Mom. See how happy I am..
That surprising, intimate, fleeting and unexpected moment took its indelible place as one of my life’s peak moments.
Mary-Jo Murphy